In Between All or Nothing
Being in between All or Nothing.
The space that is so much less stressy and overwhelming and pacey and anxiety inducing. A place that takes recognition and whilst we’re in it, can learn so much about ourselves. Our wants and more importantly our do not wants.
If you’ve participated in any of my workshops or courses you’ll be very familiar with the whole tuning into the ‘no longer wants’ of your life. The starting point of simplifying, resetting, releasing. Simply creating and living a life on your terms.
When did everything become so much about all or nothing?
Life can feel like a tug-of-war between extremes—success or failure, good or bad, perfect or ruined, happy or sad, rich or poor. This all-or-nothing mindset can make us feel stuck, like we must either go all in or not try at all. But what if our real super powers lie somewhere in the middle? What if the magic happens in the in-between? What if all the unhelpful, sometimes overwhelming places we find ourselves are simply because we are aiming for an all or nothing.
Understanding the All-or-Nothing Mindset
All-or-nothing thinking is a distortion of our noggins, convincing us there are only two options: total success or complete failure. It can show up in different areas of life:
Health: "If I can't work out every day, I might as well not exercise at all."
Work: "If I’m not seen to be working hard, I must be terrible at my job."
Relationships: "If we had one argument, our relationship must be broken."
This mindset keeps us trapped in cycles of perfectionism, procrastination, and self-doubt, making it hard to appreciate progress and small wins.
How many times have you bought the new journal, the pen and cleared the bed side table for its arrival and prominent positioning. One week in (or less, from personal experience) you’ve 1, not started as perfection paralysis has taken hold or 2, you missed a day and gave up, as this journaling malarkey is obviously not for you.
The Power of the In-Between
The truth is, life happens in the middle ground. Growth, healing, and transformation don’t come from extremes—they come from consistency, flexibility, and learning to embrace imperfections. Here’s why the in-between is where we thrive:
Progress Over Perfection – Small, consistent steps lead to lasting change. Even if you can only exercise twice a week, that’s better than not at all.
Self-Compassion Over Self-Criticism – A bad day doesn’t define you. Recognising setbacks as part of the process helps you stay motivated.
Balance Over Burnout – Trying to do everything perfectly often leads to exhaustion. Allowing yourself to exist in the middle keeps you sustainable.
Shifting The Perspective
How do we break free from all-or-nothing thinking? Try these simple shifts:
Reframe Your Thoughts: Instead of "I failed," say, "I learned something."
Celebrate Small Wins: Every step forward matters, no matter how small.
Embrace Flexibility: Life is unpredictable. Adapting is a strength, not a failure.
A tip I feel is deserving of its own paragraph.
Add “ER” to the end of what you’re wanting to achieve.
Fit or unfit - Getting fittER
Healthy or unhealthy - Being healthiER
Calm or stressed - Becoming calmER
Rich or poor - Becoming richER.
Happy or sad - Feeling happiER.
The list is limitless, where can you add ER into your life, when you are feeling like giving up, stopping or not getting started? The teeny, tiny steps will always move you in your right direction.
So, what next?
This is my favourite bit, because what is anything without action? Simply a thought or an intention, an idea or a dream.
Become aware if you’re being all or nothing.
Pause. Take a breath.
Ask yourself if you are ready for the all or the nothing.
Give yourself permission to be in between until a confirmed yes or no, one way or another makes itself appear for you. Allow don’t force.
Where can you add ‘ER’ in your in-between space?
Miss a page of your notebook or journal, and scribble, draw, do whatever so that the pen hits the page.
Enjoy and celebrate each and every ER until you are feeling, being or having your all (or nothing).
CELEBRATE the wins, wobbles and everything in between.
Has this helped you in any way? I have solutions if you need more help or support with this.
Our next group Holistic Visioning workshop is coming up in April. (Sunday 27th 10-4 Millhouses) https://www.lynnbutler.me/events
If 1:1 is more your cup of tea, check out my solution focussed offerings including transformation through holistic coaching and energy psychology https://www.lynnbutler.me/energypsychology or for the ultimate in relaxation, reflexology and reiki https://www.lynnbutler.me/reflexology
Until next time, Lynn :)
